Unforgiving Circumstances: That Define My Life, My Reality, and My Relationships

Humans spend all their time in the shadow of a green object that is composed of 25% linen and 75% cotton. A man, probably, decided to cut down and destroy natural resources to create a certain intangible power. Every person, in the U.S. at least, worships, begs, and breaks their back for a taste of this power. Those that have it are unaware of the privilege, and those who were not lucky enough to be born into a family with this advantage, spend every second working to catch up. A few succeed, but most fail. Their failure is inescapable. As though they have an anchor dragging them to the bottom of the ocean, forcing them to fight for every breath. People born on land have never had to worry because they possess certain benefits that only wealth can buy them.

There is a select class of people that live somewhere in the middle. They don’t have perfect day-to-day, but they have a little cushion that softens the blows of life. Savings, hope, and a chance to succeed (if they are smart). 

…

My opportunity came in the shape of a soul-sucking institution that takes more than it gives. Yet, its promise of a better future was all too compelling to forget about. I went to one of the more financially stable high schools in the state. To paint a picture, we all got laptops to take home for four years. This eased my path to good grades and an amplitude of scholarships. However, like the money-hungry culture that surrounded me, I wanted more. I needed more to go to college. This idea was further pushed by my parents who forbade their kids to take out student loans. Since I was going to still be seventeen when I entered a university, I would need their permission to take on debt. This, and a million other reasons, persuaded me to pick a school right around the corner. It was the perfect prison for me, I wouldn’t have to pay for a dorm/apartment because I could just live with one of my parents. The people who I dreamed of escaping every night. The thought of freedom was instantaneously destroyed when I pushed the accept button. All the time that I talked about leaving; all the memories that I was planning on making; all the hours I spent applying to other universities became pointless. All of this was forgotten and numbed out by the incessant pain. Who cares though, right, at least I was going to get a college degree.

…

You entered my room after spending the day packing up your childhood. You were leaving tomorrow. This was no surprise; you had warned me from the beginning of whatever this fucking was. College started soon and you wanted to get settled before class started. When you, finally, sat down on my bed beside me, you looked at me with an expression I had never seen on you before. I knew what this was. The end of the fighting, loving, and mutual understanding between you and me. Our memories flooded my mind. You were the most important drug in my high school experience. You came here to tell me that anything you had said the night before no longer mattered. Through the tears dripping down your face, and the scrunch in your forehead that I slowly kissed, I saw I no longer mattered. 

At this moment, I was crying too, but neither of us were heartbroken over the absence of our relationship. No. We were teary-eyed over the realization that all we knew was over. Now every decision we make has weight. Every step we take away from one another carries a burden that we could never have predicted. 

You had the future that I longed for, and I had the life you had hoped for. I had money and you had freedom.