SOMETIMES LIFE’S A B****, BUT YOU KEEP LIVING - PT. VI

When she arrived, he didn’t even look at her like he knew her first name that day. The bittersweet part about it all, was she already felt this dissociation brewing within their shared universe, almost months before it finally arrived on a random Thursday afternoon. Because of him, she used to think that love was some magical moment where two people look into each other's eyes, lock souls’ overtime, and decide they want to be together forever. Once again, she had to learn the hard way, that love was a choice, a choice that often never chose her. She doesn't know what hurt her worse: looking up into his eyes to feel nothing or the expectation of nothingness that she already became accustomed to. She knew more than anyone else, that sometimes feeling nothing at all can be worse than devastation. He didn’t seem to feel much of anything these days.

At first, she tried to reason with whatever she believed she had left, but she quickly realized it was a waste of time in the long run. She finally realized that her presence was never selfish enough, to know when to retreat. This always left her susceptible to the decisions of others, and spent most of her life pointing the finger in the wrong direction. Although somehow in this moment, everything finally registered within.

This maybe was going to be her reason, to finally choose herself. To unapologetically step into the person, that she had always been burying underneath the disappointment. She had to break her own heart and slowly bring it back together as a catalyst to begin this process. It was was all too familiar but still foreign enough to make a stain somewhere. So, she just kept looking forward... Just a little longer.