out the window

out the window

How incredibly lucky I am to live a life where I can pursue describing joy with the same precision as pain. To look up at the beautifully painted blue sky and smile in witness of the clouds I will never hold in my hands. The world is overflowing with infinite places to find joy. It is in the blades of grass covered in dew as the sun peaks over to trees. It is in the realization that in this moment, these fleeting seconds, are capable of being whatever our hearts desire them to be. Our time is limited on this planet, yet what we choose to do with the moments we have is limitless. 

– Tuesday, September 18, 2018

staring out the too familiar window

aching in the same hard-backed chair

i learned to speak amongst the pains

wrote myself into the lucky one

pursuing describing joy with the precision of pain

now i escape reality with foreign glass

smiling in witness of the clouds

i will never hold in my hands

turned into jealousy

for how effortlessly they paint the sky

while months turn into years

of trying to find the words

time teasingly holds them on the tip of my tongue

falling from my mouth only in moments

free from the illusions of past and future

until again the stories i know like the back of my hand

play themselves across the new pane

coaxing me with the comfort of known

filling more pages than the paradoxical pursuit

trying to capture what is beautifully fleeting

how selfish to try and contain joy in 26 letters

for i cannot rewrite its nature

hold what is meant to flow in my hands

cursing how it slips through fingertips

instead of smiling that i’ve touched it at all.

- what i’ve learned since seventeen